Friday, May 29, 2009

TRAINING!!

Chapter 1:
The Journey

My end semester examinations were finally over and yet again reminded me that I have a lot left to study in my quest for knowledge. Fear, as usual, was stalking me and I responded quite like any other sane person under stress. To put it clearly I was simply petrified at the prospect of failing one of the tests.

The situation reminded me of Sir P.G. Wodehouse who very articulately defined misery in one of his works. ‘Misery loves company’ he said. This statement could be used as a reference here as my companions were also in a pensive mood and the joy of returning to our metaphorical ‘barracks’ (home) wasn’t there to be seen.

Chapter 2:
Home sweet home

Homecoming for an engineer can be seen as a crude parallel to the homecoming of a brave soldier. Since we fight valiantly and desperately, to conquer all our exams at the nick of time, we deserve at least a small reconciliatory title to glorify our struggle. Hence, I decided to use the title ‘soldier’, while referring to our community. This should sufficiently justify the connections I am using throughout the text.
Getting back to the story, I would spare no effort to describe the homecoming routine, which is periodically practiced by my parents as a token of affection for my brother and me.
First, my parents would ask me questions about the journey and I would give them typical responses. To elucidate upon this, let me present one particular questionnaire where I have given my actual responses and then the responses, which could have been delivered by a very notoriously disturbed man

Mom: Was the ticket collector kind enough?
Me: Yes ma.
Insane response: How does it matter? Surely he is not going to keep me on his lap and give me a candy.

Dad: Where did u eat?
Me: In the train, in the pantry, dad
Insane response: In the train, And not in the toilet for gods sake!

Mom: How much did u eat?
Me: It was sufficient ma.
Insane response: I wish my stomach were a weighing machine. I would have given u a time based profile of my weight change and you could have gone forward and submitted it to WHO elaborating on the issue of malnutrition in India.

Dad: Did u get down during an unscheduled stop?
Me: No, dad.
Insane response: Yes, I got down and pushed the train from Agra to Delhi just because it had run out of steam. I hope you are satisfied with this excuse.


Next, my parents would comment on my depleted health with utmost seriousness. My mom would make a very melodramatic face, accentuating her concern for my health.
‘Son, you have become too thin’ she would say. For centuries men have tried and tested all kinds of body profiles to elude this comment but alas, their valiant efforts have always failed. I bet that even ‘He- man’ returning from his successful war against ‘Skeletor’ would lose all his enthusiasm after hearing such a comment from his mother.

As I sat down to undo my shoelaces, my mind raced forward through time extrapolating the future in front of my eyes. I was in paradise, leisurely enjoying my much-awaited vacation. Suddenly, there was an uncharacteristic feeling in my stomach, and instinct forced me to believe that my dreams are going to hit a dead end.

Chapter 3:
Trust your instinct

Normally, an engineering graduate has to undergo some form of an industrial training in their field of interest. However, it is optional for students in our college and is not a part of the curriculum. My mother was very keen that I use my time “effectively” & “efficiently”, which meant that I had to undergo a month full of intense training. Eager to encourage my lethargic designs, I gave my mother a complete history of people enrolling enthusiastically for training and then returning back within three days, just because companies don’t appreciate the importance of such practices.

However, my mother, like an expert negotiator eventually convinced me that, training like a true engineer would set an example for others and this way I would be doing a great service to the nation. Her words were so convincing that I felt a patriotic surge within me compelling me to blindly believe in whatever she had so shrewdly proclaimed. In fact, I was so emotionally touched by her words that I was about to utter ‘inquilab zindabad’ but quickly realized that we were about to celebrate India’s 56th independence in a few days and such words of rebellion are definitely out of place.

Chapter 4:
The hand of god

God, on the other hand had other plans for me. Mysteriously enough he fractured my right hand (it is always easy to blame god for our mistakes!!) when I was playing football and I had to undergo some surgery. After the surgery, it would not be possible for me to use my hand and in the broader sense it meant that I could not go for training.

Rightfully, my mother asked me to visit the human resource manager of the company and express my gratitude towards him for granting me an opportunity to train in the company. Also, I had to explain my situation to him and request for an extension in the training period.






Chapter 5:
It all starts now

The next day I reached my destination 15 minutes late, expecting the manager to blast me for not being punctual. Surprise Surprise!! The manager hadn’t reached yet.
Congratulating myself on my moral victory I sat down at the reception, contemplating a situation where I could blast the manager on similar lines, and teach him a lesson or two in punctuality.
The manager did not turn up even after a while which forced me to build up two theories

1. He probably read my mind and decided to evade my imperious designs, which were nothing but a mere specter of imagination emanating from the sadistic dimension of my mind.Or
2. He may actually be sitting nearby and testing my patience level.

The second theory seemed relatively sound and I decided to adopt it, after spending a lot of time on rigorous introspection. My speculations are often wrong, but, if it were right this time I should be able to prove myself as a prospective employee to the company.
Wait!
Was the manager dressed up as the receptionist or the guard?
My thoughts drifted in this fashion because this particular receptionist was constantly minding the time as if he were a timekeeper for Olympic races. Why was he so time conscious? He might have misconstrued the term ‘watch’, a term that is quite commonly used to describe small timepieces, and might have taken the term quite literally. In fact, he kept ‘watching’ it, as if it were his sacred duty to obey the command. I felt so sorry for the poor fellow that I decided to use the term ‘clock’ every time I have to refer to any form of a timepiece.

Alternatively, I was anticipating an event whence the manager would jump out of the guard uniform and surprise me with a “Hey, u passed the test” remark, but sadly enough it didn’t happen.
Soon, I gave up all these fancy hopes and started observing my surroundings with a more logically oriented frame of mind.








Chapter 6:
The Receptionist and the height of logic!!
The receptionist waited patiently for the manager to arrive but failed to conceal signs of discomfort, which I believe, were strongly linked to my presence.

Although I couldn’t pinpoint the nature of his discontent, I decided to frame a thumb rule hoping to characterize his behaviour sufficiently.
After painfully focusing my thoughts and using the great powers of logic I finally framed a thumb ruleà Receptionists are always uneasy and strange!If Socrates were present at that place he would have, readily placed my head on the guillotine.He would have banged his head on the wall and proclaimed "You miserable fool!! The receptionist might just be putting the nature's call on hold, for your sake!!” “And you have, so ungratefully categorized him as a freak!” Anyhow, I stuck to my thumb rule and later developed another thumb rule à Discomfort is contagious.
Chapter 7:
Discomfort is contagious!

I was getting restless. 55 minutes had passed since my arrival.But assuming that training included the waiting part I chose to control my anxiety for some more time.
After an hour he finally came. I stood up emphatically and gracefully but the manager winced on seeing me, as if an old enemy had returned to haunt him.He gave me an unenterprising look and asked me to wait for some more time. After this he briskly walked off to a domain, which was inaccessible to common mortals like me.For the next two hours he met me at regular intervals and asked me to change my position with respect to the reception and wait for some more time. I complied, assuming that he was going to send an artist to make a painful portrait of me. Such a prospect did not particularly raise my spirits but somehow I started estimating the value of such a portrait.Chapter 8:
Two fat ladies = 88
All of a sudden I was in the company of two ladies. They were essentially quite healthy and had a lot to talk about. They had just arrived and the manager chose to meet the ladies before addressing me!! I have heard of chivalry but this was unacceptable. Finally, he decided to meet me and I departed after executing my objective. When I stepped out, I realized that it took me 5 hours to say something that did not even require 5 minutes of the manager’s time.
EPILOGUE

Over 1000 engineering colleges exist in India, and every year it produces more than 2 lac engineers. However, production and engineering units in India have not even reached a development stage. For example, there is not a single microchip-manufacturing unit in the country; more than half of our defense projects have failed largely due to poor infrastructure and insufficient exposure and many more. This means that India is still not self-sufficient and in fact its GDP is bound to suffer in the future. Luckily enough, agriculture has contributed efficiently to the domestic product and we can still be counted among the developing nations in the world. But, the real question is quite obvious. Is India equipped to face the complexities of the technological era?

Industrial experience should essentially contribute towards increasing an engineer’s adaptability in critical situations. Although training is essential in many technical institutes, nobody understands its importance.
Industries should be extremely professional in their approach towards trainees and must essentially consider them as prospective employees. This way, they can indirectly generate a technically compatible human resource to suit their requirements. They can also have some sort of a screening process to evaluate the aptitude of a trainee.

Such a step may also encourage engineers to set up highly efficient production units.

It is imperative that professionalism is the call of the hour. Are we responding?




.

To be or not to be: A true engineer

TO BE OR NOT TO BE : A TRUE ENGINEER


Engineers are supposed to be the creators, inventors & designers of new and unthinkable wonders. An engineer is held with so much awe and admiration that the ones aspiring to “change the world “ are now thinking that only engineers can do it(at least I had something of that sort in my mind when I joined VNIT). If a plausible, near accurate picture had to be painted to describe the race for grabbing a good engineering seat, the image would resemble an active fish market in the streets of Kolkata.

But is it really worth all the trouble?

This question rang a sonorous bell in my mind when I faced a predicament, which initially seemed trivial, but eventually dragged me into the deep cavern of self doubt.
The incident marked my endeavor to unravel the secret of abstract knowledge. (Or something like that)

After appearing for my second semester examination in the college my holidays at home were harmonious and luxurious till I turned on the television.

The Idiot box was clearly in a state of disarray, for, the display resembled a paper run over by millions of ants. Obviously it was not a show in discovery channel because the sound coming from the set was disturbing and by any stretch of imagination or recognition I couldn’t dare to compare the screeching sounds with the sounds produced by the speech of a human, harried by a sickly throat problem, trying to explain what the million ants were up to. Even if the ants wanted to, they couldn’t produce such noise. To make sure that the ants were not capable of doing so, I switched over to the next channel and then the next and I had not rested until I had checked all the channels. All the channels had ants running all over the screen. Using my primitive knowledge in the area of television electronics I wisely surmised that even if ants did manage to enter the interiors of a TV, they would die an instant death. After making sure that the signal from the operator was not corrupted I diagnosed the problem successfully. There was a problem with the television!!!

Amazed with the fact that I was able to diagnose the problem accurately using my engineering and observational skills I geared up for tackling it professionally.
I went to my elder brother and presented the predicament in a genuine fashion. The fact that he was an electronics engineer came to my mind during my investigation and finding an opportunity to avail his invaluable professional services I went to him asking for the solution.
Clearly disturbed from the state of delirium he frowned at me acknowledging the disturbance. The description of the events that followed should be carefully noted as they describe the deliberate gestures and movements, carefully practiced and perfected, by an engineer before staging a deception.

He got up nonchalantly, wore his glasses, blinked like a damsel in distress and gave a look filled with an immiscible and antonymic mix of utter brilliance and sheer ignorance. Then he cleared his throat as if to deliver a statement which could force the world into accepting world peace. But nothing of that sort happened and he muttered helplessly, yet airily”I’m aware of the principles involved in its working and construction but I don’t know how the TV works “.

I was slightly taken aback but, needless to say, I felt enormously enlightened after hearing an excuse which could be used liberally when faced with a similar situation because even if anyone tried to highlight our incompetence we could always blame the ‘nasty old system’.

However, the task remained unaccomplished. Who should do it? No, not the electrician, a man with limited knowledge of the complex systems, he may repair the set but my quest for knowledge would be obstructed. An electrician works only according to set procedures taught to him mechanically by ITI (industrial training institute). To showcase the superiority of an engineer over a mere technician, I had to take the thing in my own hands (a screwdriver that is). Armed with the screwdriver in one hand and the power of inquisitiveness in the other, I walked like a gladiator ready to salvage some pride for my clan(engineers), after all it was only a mere television.

After opening the cabinet, I could only stare at the inconceivable collection of slabs with colorful small elements struck to them. As I searched for an hour to find at least some element of familiarity in this chaotic assembly of strange boards and elements, my patience was running away. Finally, my eye caught a board where I could recognize three elements placed on it. Even though I was skeptical about their condition (good or bad) I had no choice, other parts of the board were alien to me. I was like a man searching for treasure somewhere else just because the place where it lay buried had no light.

The elements were the most elementary elements of an electrical circuit- the capacitor, the resistor and the inductor. I just had to replace one of them.
The elimination process I adopted was painstakingly primitive, but nevertheless fundamental tools have carved a way for man’s success. The elimination process was one of those sequences we adopted before starting a game of hide and seek – “inky, pinky ponky, father had a donkey,…………….”. After two rounds of elimination the target was spotted. The resistor had to be replaced.
After soldering the new resistor (which I purchased from the market) in place of the original resistor I closed the cabinet and turned on the television. The picture was crystal clear.

(Rajnikant was performing his famous anti-gravity stunts. Hardly believable stunts I accept, but it satisfies me that at least someone can break the unquestionable and slavery inducing laws of physics, which dragged us through sleepless nights)

I was overjoyed to see that my totally outrageous fluke had struck gold. I then started to ponder over the secret behind the innocuous looking sequence of elimination, it now dawned upon me, that this was not a simple elimination algorithm but, a far more complex transcendental function based on complex laws of probability and permutations, which nobody had, till today, discovered. I was perhaps the first one to make this breakthrough.
I could see the red carpets unfurled before me, The Bharat Ratna badge pinned onto my shirt, my parents unable to control their tears of joy, the physics Nobel was being presented to me, for I had discovered the function which could solve disturbances in electronic circuits. The crowd was cheering me noisily, more noise, but the sound was much hashed, very corrupted. Wait! It wasn’t the type of noise a crowd could generate; it was …… coming from the TV!!

The sound was worse than before, obviously the resistor wasn’t bad. So I had been wrong about the stupid elimination sequence after all, to hell with inky pinky ponky. All my thoughts about the ceremony painfully vanished from my mind. Then with much deliberation I replaced the capacitor.

I sat down with my eyes closed and fingers crossed, and then turned on the TV. I waited with drawn breath. The noise had vanished and instead I could hear the voice of a human Delighted and ready to reconsider the elimination sequence from the human angle, that is, attributing the mistake to me and not the function, I opened my eyes to see ants running over the screen again. Now, the display was cocked! But the sound was perfect!

First, when I replaced the resistor with a new one the picture was perfect but the sound was repulsive, now when I replace the capacitor with a new one, the picture turns bad but the sound system works perfectly. Then definitely, if I replaced the inductor, everything would be normal. Using this common sense, I replaced the inductor with a new one.
Now, surprisingly both went bad. The picture was bad and the sound was intolerably hashed and corrupted.

After employing a series of permutations to replace each component, and getting equally ghastly and varied results I finally decided to end this cat and mouse game by calling in the real professional- the electrician.

He walked in with an air of nonchalance, as if he were performing a routine job. He saw all the elements strewn around and then without saying a word he opened the cabinet and resoldered the old components. Then he switched it on. The picture was still bad and the sound worse than before. Before I could say a word, he tapped the TV on its head lightly. The TV flickered for a second and then gave a clear image along with proper sound.
I could do nothing but gape at the TV for the next few minutes. He said that the problem was so minor that he would not embarrass himself by asking for fees…………….!!

How much do we know ‘practically’?

The same question applies to every stream in engineering. Before I end, I should turn my attention to my own stream – Meta (Metallurgy and Material Science Engineering).

When my friend’s grandpa asked him about his stream he was dumbstruck. Why? He himself had never thought about it. To hide his face he muttered a series of ‘errs’ and ‘umps’, kept beating around the bush, flaunted words like nanotechnology and smart materials and finally told his grandpa that he was too old and senile to understand all these technical things.
His grandfather nodded his head cynically and replied aptly “Son, you are right. I didn’t understand a bit of what you said. Perhaps that’s what engineering is about, understanding nothing.”

It has been observed that young minds join engineering colleges expecting a job to land on their laps as soon as they reach their final year in college. Many are also aware that a company seldom asks you questions from engineering curricula in their written exams or interviews (I am targeting IT giants), so any person having mediocre knowledge in computer programming can end up in an IT company. Why then, should we take the pains to study for engineering? Do we earnestly study the subject? Are we interested in it?

The story has no moral but it certainly raises the question we all fear to acknowledge.
The ultimate question.

Are we true engineers?

By
Narayanan






















Disclaimer

The skit has no bearing with any real life incident. The characters are doubtlessly fictional in nature too. The stories mentioned in this skit are meant to be treated as truly fictional. Any other claims made by readers should not be aired without proof, ignoring which; the offender is liable to prosecution. (Ha-ha. A nice way to ensure copyrights isn’t it?)

By
Narayanan


A Dedication
This is dedicated to my grandpa, my brother and people who struggled hard to become true scientists in their own fields. Also I present this skit as a birthday gift to my grandpa Dr. Appadurai.
This skit was also greatly inspired by our great President Dr. Abdul Kalam, who has contributed heavily to the society using his scientific prowess.


I also thank my mom and dad and for raising me in an objective environment.
And I would specially like to mention my granny here because she tirelessly encourages me to learn good English. And without my family this would not have been possible

By
Narayanan